As I sit back and think about this past year, I can't help but be filled with so much joy. Not because of the good things that happened to me, quite the opposite in fact. 2011 turned out to be the toughest year I've have since leaving my son's father in 2007. Discord came at me on every front possible; family, friends, and finances. Without getting into the sordid details, just know lots tears and harsh words and feelings of despair can be seen in the instant replay of my past year.
Despite the turmoil I faced, I have never been more at peace. God is truly so good. As the song says, I'm stronger, I'm wiser, I'm soooo much better. The level of strength and understanding I've gained, has given me peace I didn't think possible. Those who know me, know I've have my issues with mainstream religion (deeply rooted in family issues in my past), but me and God are ok now. I'm not what one would call a "holy roller" but I have deep yearning for total peace of mind, body, and soul and that can only come through a relationship with God. Granted I'm doing it MY way, but the central grounding it provides better equips me to deal with ma vie folle.
I honestly feel like a better person; I love and appreciate my mom and the great group of friends I am surrounded with and there are no words to express the love I have for my son. As I reflect on my goals for 2012, I want to start living my life and enjoying what's already here as opposed to obsessing about what I don't have or feel I deserve as well as being a better person, mother and friend. Now that I don't feel I am carrying my burdens alone, I can't help but be filled with joy as I think of all the opportunities that still lie ahead just waiting for me to get my ish together. Whelp, thanks to life's lessons, the message has definitely been received.
Carpe Diem!!
